Breaking the silence on suicide

A report last week in the South Western Times that revealed 22 people in the South West took their own life last year has prompted a local husband and wife to talk about the devastation that even attempted suicide can have on a family.

The couple, who wish to be known as Jenny and Louis, said their son made numerous attempts to take his own life, the most recent only eight weeks ago, and wanted to reach out to other parents and carers and urge them to seek support.

The couple said they did not usually talk to people about suicide, mental illness and their experiences because of the stigma surrounding the issues and it took them three years to find someone to speak with.

Jenny said her son, who is in his 30s, had been suicidal for the past six years and described the time as ‘‘just so hard’’.

‘‘Your whole life revolves around this one thing,’’ she said.

The devastation and emotional heartbreak of seeing her son try to take his own life has brought Jenny to her knees with the South West mother suffering an emotional breakdown.

Louis also struggled to deal with the issue.

‘‘You get dragged down, you don’t go out, you tend to let things go and you fall into a waiting game to wait for things to improve,’’ he said.

The couple recalled a recent holiday to celebrate a milestone for the pair, but they both said they were anxious about going away and leaving their son behind.

‘‘We were going away for a month and I said to him, ‘I need to know before I go away that you won’t do anything’ and he said to me, ‘I can’t promise you that’ and we didn’t know at anytime that we would get called back,’’ Jenny said.

Jenny spoke of one of her son’s attempts in which he called an ambulance after realising he did not want to die.

‘‘Apparently when he did it he closed his eyes and saw my face and then he decided to call an ambulance,’’ she said.

But the constant struggles with the effects of mental illness have been eased after the pair sought help from mental health support agency Pathways.

‘‘We just were at our wits’ end by the time we got there,’’ Jenny said.

‘‘That’s where we attend counselling and support groups and get training to help.

‘‘It’s not only grief it’s also talking about suicide and how to manage it and what to do.

‘‘And asking them if they are suicidal and if they have a plan and realising it’s the best thing you can do rather than treading on eggshells.’’

Many families who reach out for support after their loved one has taken their own life say they did not see it coming, according to Phil Riseborough, registered psychologist and grief counsellor at suicide bereavement support agency ARBOR.

Families may notice their loved ones were withdrawn or depressed, but did not anticipate suicide as a reality, he said.

Mr Riseborough said there needed to be more conversation around suicide.

‘‘It’s not something that communities talk about generally,’’ Mr Riseborough said.

But for Jenny and Louis, their hope is that their son will realise that taking his own life will not solve anything and that his life is worth living.

‘‘But only he can make that choice,’’ Jenny said.